It’s been a while since I last posted, my life has been one big roller-coaster and I feel like I’m still on this roller-coaster but right this moment I’ve been given a break from the ride. Right now I’m on a break from my roller-coaster life, what I mean by that is; nothing crazy is happening, nothing, in particular, is going wrong and I can enjoy myself without feeling guilty about something or someone. Life is mutual…for now. I know things are gonna get crazy again real soon because that’s just how shit works.
Last year wasn’t the best year and I entered 2018 thinking that this year is going to be the best year ever. Boy, I was fucking wrong! This year has been nothing but bullshit upon more bullshit and though the storm is calm for now, I know there’s more shit storm to come. Its negative of me to say, I know but it’s also realistic.
What is also realistic about having a shit storm life is that, once the dust has settled and the universe gives you a breather, you’re able to see the light at the end of the tunnel. You are able to see the positives, see the lessons you’ve had to learn and you’ve grown from all the shit that you have been through.
And growing (as a person) is probably one of the best and worst experiences everyone goes through. It’s the worst because you have to go through hell and back to grow personally, some situations you face seem like, they will end your world, you can’t see how you will possibly come out the other end….then you do!
The best part is after you’ve survived the bullshit you feel pretty refreshed and ready to go, ready to be proactive in life.
I think the best bit is the refreshed stage of it all, feeling like you have a purpose again and you can finally clean the window that had been fogged up for so long.
You can finally see where you’re going, what you want and you begin to take the steps to plan how to win at life again.
I found myself in a deep rut and riddled with anxiety at the start of this year, it was worse than I remembered but I knew what to expect; sleepless nights, uncontrollable crying, feeling low and filled with worry. In those moments you literally feel as though you won’t get better, that nothing can fix the issues going on and I felt that.
People closest to me struggled to understand and I struggled to explain…that was the hard part for me.
Not really being able to fully explain what was wrong with me because everything and nothing was wrong…
But then I reached a breakthrough! I realised that the only way I could personally feel better was to have a goal, to establish what I wanted and start slowly making progress towards those goals. Having something to work towards made me feel like I had a purpose again, that if I worked towards this goal then I would feel happy again.
But I could never see the light if it wasn’t for the people around me and the support I have, I can’t imagine what people with anxiety and depression do without support from family and friends. I will always scream to keep people close to you, it’s important to have people around you.
Everyone should stop trying to be so cold and scream “comfy on my ones“ all the time.
While I’m on a break from the roller-coaster we call life, I’m going to try to complete all that I need to, write, write and write some more.
For now I’m back and I’m better